Important message to the people of Florida.
* READ NOW *
EVACUATE FLORIDA NOW. Wilma is coming and is going to destroy your state in only a few hours. Florida will be anhilated. If you are not evacuating now, it may already be too late. If this is the case, PREPARE TO DIE. Have you spoken to God lately? This may be the time to speak to the God of your choice. Anyone that speaks to the REAL God may be saved, all others will die. Is your home well boarded up? It always feels better to come home and see your home destroyed with only the plywood from the windows surviving, than to come home and find nothing at all. Don't forget to shut off the electricity, water and gas. It's best to buttist the hurricane and shut these off yourself because hurricanes do not like electrical shocks, gas explosions and getting soaked. Remember, if you evacuate, you really should have some gas in your tank unless you are just driving to your mailbox to see if you have any junk mail that could be lost. Before you evacuate, be sure to leave a notice to the post office so they hold your bills in safekeeping. If you have any friends, be sure to read this message to them, and help them prepare for the end. If you dont have any friends, you may as well give up now, or else surrender your life to the Jahovas Witnesses and give them all your worldly possessions that will be destroyed in a few hours. If you have any large amounts of money, be sure to donate them to your favorite charity, which of course would be me, because I am spending lots of donated time warning you, and thus saving your life. If you are amongst the Florida homeless and own nothing, you will be the most fortunate when you return to find you do not have a destroyed home to make you cry. When you evacuate, be sure to take your car, unless you are into one of those low carb exercise diets and know that walking is best for your health. Just for the record, healthy people die too, so why are you exercising? If you run out of options, contact the Red Cross. If you run out of Money, dont bother to contact FEMA, if you run out of luck, buy a lottery ticket, if you run out of time, buy a Rolex, and if you run out of love, invest in Viagra. If you need buttistance, dial "0" and speak with the operator. If you are lonely call Washington DC and tell them you are a person. You will soon have lots of company. If you are in the oil business, keep smiling, the gas prices just rose and you're stocks just made you another million. If you are without water, drink booze, if you are without food, eat a politician (no one will miss them). If you are deceased, you got nothing to fear, your body will ride from the grave and float in the ocean until the next hurricane takes you on a journey to other parts of the world.
If you live in Florida and read this whole message, you are a complete fool. You should be in your car stuck in a traffic jam, without gas, about 3 miles from your home, since you left two days ago.
In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the HOLY poo..... It's hurricane Wilma
