To the Tesco truck driver heading north on the A1 near Doncaster at 7:30pm this evening could we please pbutt on the following message (your manager will be getting this by fax in the morning but you might like to get your side of the story straight before the proverbial hits the fan)
It may not have occurred to your single neuron brain but the speed limiter on your truck appears to be set just 0.0001 mph higher than that of the Argos truck that was sat for some considerable time on your immediate left.
Chugging up the hills at 35mph, and going down them at 56mph exactly matched in speed with the Argos truck is not really a legitimate overtake manoeuvre.
In England we drive on the left of the road, and centralised to the lane. Driving on the right with no realistic possibility of pbutting the vehicle on the left is just plain selfish. Occasionally swerving and running your outer wheels over the solid white line adjacent to the central reservation kicks up a load of debris that f***s up paint and windscreens of vehicles behind and may also cause punctures.
Good road manners does not mean driving side by side with an Argos truck with at least 50 vehicles (we lost count at that point) stuck behind for 9.25 miles.
Good manners does not mean pulling in front of the Argos truck after "pbutting" him and nearly wiping out his cab.
Pulling out again after two and a half cars have pbutted, narrowly missing the side of my car and then repeating the exercise again for another two miles trying to pbutt a Luton van emphasises this is not a one off incident.
Just don't go making up any porkies though, the whole thing was videoed from start to finish. You may not have noticed us though. We were in the car that despite displaying dipped beam headlights you nearly implanted into the central reservation as you simultaneously indicated and yanked your steering wheel to pull out to pbutt the white Luton van.
During your extended "pbutting" of the Luton van we filmed you driving on the approach to a blind bend with both hands off the wheel and your head buried in some paperwork. Maybe this was what you were doing earlier when you were drifting all over the place?
Oh and by the way, after we eventually saw you pull in to the left hand lane near Darrington we then filmed you making obscene gestures at the Discovery pbuttenger that leaned out of the window and dared to suggest you might be a wanker.
We at the A63 junction before we came across any other vehicle - 5 miles of deserted roads and all that chaos behind you. We were in no rush although a free pbuttage and some more consideration for other road users would have lowered the average blood pressure in the area and meant that Tesco might retain some of its customers. You must have peeed off quite a few tonight.
In conclusion I hope the tart you shag in the truck stop tonight gives you a nasty dose of clap and your privates rots off.
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